Do I regret? I guess not. It hurts though, the disappointment really does. I started out an impressionable romantic, I gave my heart away to a good guy, who I believed will take care of me for life. I was in good hands. Things didn’t always go smoothly, a relationship isn’t those whirlwind romance depicted in dramas, nor in novels. It was an emotional roller coaster ride I did not expect. I’ve never loved someone so deeply before… and I wanted with all my heart, to be with him, and hold his hand as we both grew old.

Being rookies in relationships, we didn’t know what to expect, and we had many fumbles at the start. It was definitely rocky…we were unsure, we were young, but we were in love (though he sometimes didn’t know how to show it). I guess I expected too much from him, yet for anyone else, I had the lowest of expectations. In spite of it all, persevered we did. I saw him through army, many times with a heart break, a heart ache when I watch him wave goodbye to me. A heart ache at being separated from him. I told him that before but I’m not sure if he understands, all many tears I shed on the way home rewinding the image of him saying goodbye.

We never celebrated our first year anniversary, we had frequent miscomms. It was serious enough to prompt a break up. Being in a first relationship, a first year anniversary was a fairy tale to me… yet I guess I wasn’t as important as a Frisbee game, nor his Frisbee friends. I can’t say how sad I was… I remember the hurt now, it hurt so much, my heart ached so badly for him. Yet, because he had always been humji, always been pessimistic, he would never try again, he would never ask to try again. Hate his guts, and in the end, even though he let me down, I put down all my pride and begged him to give us another chance. Yet I told him, if we ever break up again, I will never ask him to patch up with me again…

After another year and five months of a tumultuous relationship, I gave in, or rather, I gave up. I was so very tired, if he only saw it. Perhaps he was even more tired than me, I don’t know. Yet I got sick of his apologies, I didn’t believe how anyone could keep on doing the same stupid things over and over again. Even though he claims we have a lot of happy times, we never ever resolved our biggest issue: Frisbee. I think I gave my all in this relationship. I picked up Frisbee, I played with him, I got scolded by him, I got scolded by his friends, I got neglected by him… all in the name of Frisbee.  I shed many tears when I’m in SMU Ultimate… and how did he help? He didn’t, he couldn’t comfort me, he didn’t know how alone I was… all because I knew how much he wanted to play Frisbee, and I knew that if I gave up Frisbee, I would have nothing with him.

I pressed on, for 1 year 5 months later, just to realize that the guy I’ve been with, the guy I’ve loved. He never changed, not since that first year anniversary. He continued doing his stupid things, he didn’t become more sensitive. He did become more gentlemanly though, but he let me down too many times. He hurt me more than he ever knew. When there was to be an ultimatum, he used my words against me. He told me, giving up Frisbee will not make him happy. Then I wondered, is giving me up a better option than giving Frisbee up. Till today, he hasn’t even fought for our relationship, fight to get me back. I guess I made the right choice to initiate the break up. He couldn’t protect me from his screwed up friends, he couldn’t protect me from himself, he could no longer shower me with love, care and comfort. I did not feel the security from him, because underneath there will always be tension. He told me the problem lies with him, not Frisbee. So I should not expect him to give up his passion… I guess he thought if I loved him, I should not be asking that of him. I should be able to accept him for who he is. How can I? How can I accept his mistakes, when he himself finds them unacceptable? How will I know he can be better, if he doesn’t attempt to make any sacrifices for this relationship? Even if the problem lies with him, he never did tell me how he’s willing to make things better. He’s stubborn, he’s a defeatist, and he’s impossible to be around.

I stayed with him for 2 years 5 months. I love him so. But I’m tired, so very tired. A relationship is about tolerance, I get that. When the tolerance only comes from one side, something is wrong. When he’s useless when I’m upset, something is very wrong. When he can’t prioritise our relationship above a hobby of his, something is very wrong with me. I thought I knew better.

I guess I was wrong. He’s still a kid, and he wasn’t the selfless guy I always dreamt he was.

2. You must make animal sounds, the number depending on the number of years you have known me since we first met hehe xD

YAY!!!!!

<333

YOU MUST DO EVERYTHING SOLO If not… don’t get married then!

come come! I help u make a list!

1. DOG

2. CAT

3. DUCK

4. SHEEP

5. PIG

6. CHICKEN

7. MONKEY

8. COW

9. SNAKE

10. FROG

If u don’t like it… break up then. I’m not gonna stop you. If you don’t wanna be henpecked then break up la! I’m sick and tired of all our little fights… GOD =.= and i have a paper tml… FML

FUCKING

RETARDED

DOG

omg omg omg omg what a fucking retarded bf

#99 tweek™: ultimately its Ultimate says (11:41 PM):
so we must always be smsing one another?

yea… so we don’t talk the whole day, i just ask u to drop me an sms to let me know how u’re doing and wad time u’re coming online…. and tt becomes.. must we always be smsing one another….

FUCK MY LIFE

but the next morning, i dont even hear any word from u…u’re not online, u didnt send me any smses… oh and i finally get an sms from u? it’s a fucking wrong sms…. any reason why i shouldn’t be pissed? I believe a simple sms telling me you’re ok in the morning would suffice wouldn’t it….

why is it that other couples will sms and talk more? at least they know what each other is doing everyday right? but my boyfriend cant fucking be bothered with me? it’s even worse than if he goes ns. At least when he goes ns he can call me -.- now we jst bloody talk to each other online and piss each other off more often than not.

oh and i just realised… how much more he smses me before when we were attached… now it seems after a few smses he needs to save sms….. so it’ll be take care, rest well, love u dear bye…. -.- is it tt hard to engage in sms convos with me???? fuck la. so much for love… msn’s gonna kill us sooner or later.

just for the record… i still think u don’t fucking care…too bad if u woke up with a sore eye too… hope it heals, if it doesn’t too bad, at least i don’t have to see it since i’ve exhausted whatever worry I have for u alr, so good luck -.-

Q: what gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked?
A: a seatbelt. (what were you thinking?)

FUNNY YA!!! kept me laughing hehe:P

FML.